A disgrace to the gaming industry. Vampire Survivors review (early version)

32 thousand reviews, 99% of which are positive. Stolen Bayonetta 2 art featured as the promotional image. All of this is Vampire Survivors – an unexpected hit that took Steam by storm. Why did this happen? Let's find out.

Vampire Survivors is hard to even call a game in the proper sense. All the player needs to do is walk around the arena, collect experience gems from enemies killed via automatic combat, and level up. There is zero depth to this, and the project becomes boring after just half an hour of play – there is simply nothing to do in it.

The game reminds you of its cheapness right from the first seconds, starting at the main menu. On the key art greeting the player, one can spot shamelessly redrawn Dracula and Richter Belmont from Castlevania, as well as a sorceress in Bayonetta's pose – straight off the Wii U or Nintendo Switch box art. The project launches in a small window, and attempting to stretch it to fullscreen presents a high risk of losing sight of anything at all – your eyes begin to melt instantly from the abysmal graphical fidelity.

Vampire Survivors is made using pixel art, and its quality is so poor that one feels compelled to advise the developer never to attempt drawing again. Moreover, the creator decided not to bother being subtle at all, seemingly lifting enemy, hero, and weapon sprites straight out of classic Castlevania titles and barely tweaking them. Bats, zombies, and even one of the main playable characters is practically a carbon copy of Alucard from Symphony of the Night.

The visual presentation is only half the trouble. With what passes for gameplay here, things are even worse. As stated above, all the player can do is steer a dummy across the screen. Meanwhile, dozens and then hundreds of enemies swarm him, with the hero attacking automatically. By slaying undead and gathering experience, you can upgrade the vampire hunter – selecting new weapons, upgrading existing ones, and acquiring items that boost the protagonist's stats.

Yet the variety here is an illusion. While in Loop Hero the success of an expedition depended on the player and required strategic thinking about how best to pave the hero's path, here the enemy waves are always identical, only the most efficient weapons are ever picked, and upgrades follow the exact same routine every single time.

After practicing on the first map and reaching the second stage, I cleared it on my very first attempt – simply because I already knew that the “whip-book-garlic-axes” combo works everywhere and every time. Having pumped area of effect and damage, I took my hand off the keyboard and simply watched the screen, occasionally tapping the “Spacebar” to select new items upon leveling up. Then, all enemies vanished in an instant, the “Death” boss flew in and one-shot the hero – and the game displayed a victorious “Stage Complete”.

Around the middle of the second level, the sound design began hammering my ears so intensely and gave me such a headache that I was forced to mute all game audio completely. Every collected experience crystal, every strike on an enemy, and the dreadful music loop play continuously and without pause, literally extinguishing any appreciation for beauty in the player's soul and causing physical agony.

The enemies featured across the two levels differ, but there are far too few of them. The longer the player survives, the more the developer's imagination runs dry – the exact same undead appear, just beefier and hitting harder, in greater numbers. Eventually, waves of mini-bosses take the stage.

For each attempt, the player is rewarded with gold, which can be spent on unlocking new characters and permanent passive upgrades – increased gold pickup, higher damage, or the ability to revive after defeat. Is this useful? Yes, to a degree. Does it increase engagement in the core gameplay? No.

Diagnosis

Vampire Survivors cannot even be called a full-fledged game. There is no gameplay to speak of, variety and depth are entirely non-existent, and all the player has to do is steer a sprite across the screen without engaging their brain. This is mindless chewing gum that serves as a litmus test for taste – or rather, the complete absence thereof in anyone who actually enjoys it.

Pro:

• Karma purification from enduring this torture

Contra:

• Primitive gameplay
• Zero variety in build crafting
• Design ripped off almost entirely from Castlevania
• Few enemy types
• Few weapons
• Dreadful graphics
• Audio effects cause physical pain
• They are selling this for real money